apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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