When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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