She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
