So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
