Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
