Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
