It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
