i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
