opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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