god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
