i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
