Is it because I queefed?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
