Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
