If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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