I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this beer tastes like vomit already
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
