K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
