Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize