Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
