your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
