i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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