we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
