my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
