my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That accounts for only three of the penises
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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