I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
