you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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