He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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