3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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