I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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