hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need moral support for this bender
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
