Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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