im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
