saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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