Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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