dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
