i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
