I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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