I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
