I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
