u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I could make wine with my vomit
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
