She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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