Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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