weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no, he came in my armpit
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
