Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
