just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
