my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
