She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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