what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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