well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
