Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
