See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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