he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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